The Antidote to Comparison
Whenever I’m feeling down, lacking joy, or just in a negative mood, it’s probably because I’m either feeling ungrateful or am subconsciously comparing my life to others. I’ve found that the latter is the root; after all, comparison is the thief of joy, and that ultimately leads to being blind to the good things I have been gifted in this life.
Everyone compares their lives and experiences to others. It started early in my life when I was compared to other children by the adults in my life. Someone was always better than me in some capacity and I was told that. Asked why I’m not like him or her. Why can’t you sit still like the other kids? (Spoiler: undiagnosed ADHD) All of that sowing eventually gave birth to a sinister plant, a weed, that I, unfortunately, watered and nurtured because it was all I knew how to do.
I continued to compare myself to people in my life as I got older, which destroyed every speck of self-esteem that I had. I was insecure and was fearful of being the person God created me to be, thus trying to fit myself into molds that were not created for me. Things got worse when I got back into drawing in college after a year’s long hiatus. That’s when I started posting my art to social media. I was posting for the wrong reasons (likes, views, clout, etc.) and didn’t even like the art I created. I also, inevitably, compared my art to the art of others who were GOOD. Why wasn’t my art on their level? How can I make my art look like theirs? To make things worse, I compared myself to my friends’ highlight reels of their lives. This friend just went on a cool vacation to Japan; that friend is posting photos with their significant other; that other friend’s business is blowing up. Now, I celebrate these friends and am genuinely happy for them… but then the thought comes up: “what about me?” It was all bad. This is why I take long breaks from social media. I love my friends, the memes, and the art, but they say “ignorance is bliss” for a reason. There is something magical about not knowing what everyone else is doing, and it truly helps me stay away from comparison.
Of course, the social media fast, which I’m on right now (won’t be back until October or November), is just a band aid to the issue. I need the antidote to comparison. And God was kind enough to lead me to it two weeks ago.
I was reading “The Gift of Being Yourself” by David G. Benner and in one of the earlier chapters, Benner goes over the life of Peter the apostle. His journey with Jesus started with the latter telling him “follow me” and began again after Jesus resurrected and once again told him “follow me”. That phrase “follow me” stuck out to me, far more than it had before, so I went through the gospels to see how many times Jesus said that phrase. I think it was somewhere near twenty times, but that wasn’t what God wanted me to figure out. The last time Jesus said “follow me” in the gospels was in John 21:22, and this one verse single-handedly cured my comparison issue.
For context, Jesus is basically telling Peter that he is going to die for him, in a pretty gruesome way, too. Obviously, being told you were going to die and HOW you were going to die isn’t a fun thing to hear. John, another apostle, was with them when this happened. Therefore, Peter did what any other incredulous person would do in this peculiar situation and asked Jesus, “what about him? Will he die like that too?” (paraphrased) And then Jesus turned around and looked at Peter and hit him with what I think is the antidote to comparison:
“Jesus said to him, ‘If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!’” (John 21:22 ESV).
This pierced through my soul AND made me laugh! I can imagine after hearing the question Jesus stopping in his tracks (if they were walking), turning around to stare at Peter for a dramatic two seconds, and then giving that answer. All in love, of course! But getting back on track, this one verse is crazy important. It made me realize something simple but profound: my walk with God is my own. God has specific plans for me. There are things that only I can do; things that he created me for. How, then, can I do the things he’s created me for if I am looking at someone else’s life and wishing I had what they had? If I’m not following Jesus? There is no time or need for comparison if I am following Jesus and keeping my eyes on him. The second I take my eyes off of him and look to the left or right, comparing my life, gifts, and situations with that of another person is the second I lose joy and hope, trading them in for ungratefulness and despair (see Matthew 14:22-33, which ALSO includes Peter as the lesson). It’s insane how this verse has been helping me get out of the comparison trap. Whenever I’m tempted to compare, I switch out the words of the verse with my situation:
“He has more money than I do, but what is that to me? Follow Jesus!”
“Her art is getting more attention than mine, but what is that to me? Follow Jesus!”
“blah, blah, blah, what is any of that to me? FOLLOW JESUS!”
And so on and so forth. The answer remains the same in every situation that comes up. I am to be in my lane, following Jesus. Who cares what everyone else has? Their story is not my story and vice versa. And, when I fully devote myself to following Jesus, I will finally fit a mold only I am made for. And I will be a blessing to those in my orbit because I am authentically myself and no one else. This has such a relief and I find myself ever more grateful each day I take this antidote.
This was long, and I didn’t go into detail about the characters mentioned above, but I appreciate you reading until the end. Please, reach out to me via email if you want to hear more about any of this. I mentioned in a previous post that I am a Christian, specifically a follower of Jesus Christ, and I understand if this makes little sense to you, but I’d love to chat!
Thank you!
Kiron